i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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