dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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