So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
