You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
