it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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