dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
