You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
