I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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