Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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