I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize