do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
