i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
