My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
