so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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