YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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