My friends, they love my intelligence
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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