is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
