yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
