So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize