I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
