the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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