3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
