I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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