Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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