You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
