Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize