I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
