When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
