Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
