Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
