what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
