sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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