i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize