I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
