All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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