Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
