i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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