PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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