I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
