so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
