bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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