I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Mom said you looked used
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
we're so committed to being not committed
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
