I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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