all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
