I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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