I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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