Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
