I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
