"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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