He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
