btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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