I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
