I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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