I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
