yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
