I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
