mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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