He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
