the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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