sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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