I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
