Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
