Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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