i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
