My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
