i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize