In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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