she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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