I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
