i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
