idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So much rum. So many feels.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
