the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
