You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Blow job season was short but glorious.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize