Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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