I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
