My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
