The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize