I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
