There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
