Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He? As in you personified your dick?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
