hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
