girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
