god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
