be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize