He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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