a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
