He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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