You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
