i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
