before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
