Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
