her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
