You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
