When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
