Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
