Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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