can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
