Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
