he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
