It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
