So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My ATM looks so different sober.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize