walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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