can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
