He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
