Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You ate ashes out of my bong
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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