We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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