I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The power of my boobs compel you
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize