What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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