Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
