Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
This is the high leading the old right now
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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