yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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